Lemonlights

Chapter 2: What is love?

jokerface — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 06:49:45 +0000

Koyi kisi ka nahi ye jhoothhe,
Naate hain naato ka kya
Kasme waade pyaar wafaa sab,
Baatein hain baato ka kya

Translation:

No one belongs to anyone
these relationships are false, what’s the point of these ties?
Oaths, promises, love, faithfulness

are just talk, what’s the point of such talk?

This is one of his favourite lines. Another one being that he has lived his life, is now living for his parents and when they go, he might as well too.

But lets not jump in so fast.

What is love? Well, it could be a noun, a verb or an adjective. Quite honestly, I have no idea. But then, I really don’t think anyone does. There is no definition to love, it’s like asking what is pain, what is happiness, what is faith? Who knows? It is hardly something with units and properties to be explained.

The only thing I can truly understand about love, is how much one is lost when in it. It stretches you, crushes you, expands your horizon and at the same time brings it to a pin point focus. It reveals things about yourself that you don’t even have time to recognize because you are so fixated on understanding the other person for fear of letting someone unknown into your life. It is really unparalleled growth in an area that is, again, unknown. Oh God! As if life was not ambiguous enough already!

Love is this willingness to open yourself up to let someone into you. I’m not being dirty here, but that is really how it feels. You are ready to let that person come into your life, challenge your perspectives, tell you when you are wrong, validate what you think and expose certain areas to you which you couldn’t even be bothered with. But now you are, because suddenly, it means something to you, because someone is repeatedly saying “hey, take a look there” and that someone’s words are marginally more important than even your own.

No wonder I feel all expended and dismantled. I don’t even know who I am anymore. It is like I saw myself through this mirror all my life. And then someone came with a kaleidoscope of mirrors and made me look at myself from absurd angles that I have never even thought of before. I couldn’t even make sense of it because along with the millions of mirrors that came up everywhere, I got a new mind. A mind that wasn’t mine, but wasn’t restricted to me. A mind who I could read and see the world through. It’s the addiction of a new life, a whole new set of rules, a whole new range of possibilities.

So there I am. My new mind and my new me. How can someone not be absolutely fascinated by such an incredible toy? How can one not make those relationships? How can one not make those promises?

How can one not love?

Chapter 1: It all starts in a small town…

jokerface — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:44:34 +0000

You know, the evolution of the good and the bad characters of a story. It’s startling to see how the person who turns out bad makes one stupid/selfish mistake after another. How he can’t live with himself. How the size of mistakes made magnify as each progressive mistake goes unnoticed, unstopped. It really is a very dramatic process, and you would think that someone would have intervened by now and put that idiot in his place.

But I think I understand now.

It is so easy to make the mistakes. It is so easy to look the other way. And before you know it, there you are. In that place where you look at yourself and can’t recognize yourself anymore. Remember Dorian Grey?

Ok, so it is not that dramatic. But the path to recklessness is a slippery slope, my friend.

As expected, it all starts in a small town. Okay, it isn’t that small. It’s a city. But in that city of 4 million people, there is hardly any space for your thoughts to get privacy, let alone yourself. Lives constantly vibe into and out of each other as we desperately try to keep our identity, something which in itself has almost no substance at all. Holding on to this ether-thin sense of self we morph from one role to another every day constantly figuring life and ourselves out.

So by this time you must be like.. “okay. So what exactly are you trying to say?”

What I’m trying to say is, the hardest battles we fight are those that we fight with ourselves. And as with most battles, it all starts with that concept called love.

I have this sneaky feeling

jokerface — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 02:16:09 +0000

that i’m going into depression.

I really give my heart away too easily. I’m so nervous. So so nervous of losing him.
He promised that he wouldn’t go anywhere. I will believe it.

The dhoby of Singapore

jokerface — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 03:55:46 +0000

I love that title. I think pabu is so freaking smart to come up with such things! lol.

How not to win over a guy: complain to him for 1.5 hours about sleep depravation and drying clothes.
How to know the guy is worth your time: he still likes you after the 1.5 hours
How to thank him for being kind: don’t talk to him while drying clothes EVER AGAIN

The dhoby has spoken.
-peace out-

:’(

jokerface — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 08:16:05 +0000

Can you just stoppp.

Stop calling me fat. Stop calling me stupid.

I’m not fat.

I’m not I’m not I’m not.

and I’m not stupid.

I love my life and that’s more than you could say, don’t you think?

So take a chill-pill and leave me alone.

Tornado

jokerface — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 14:27:47 +0000

A few days back I had a strange dream where I was caught in a tornado. I wasn’t frightened or anything. I held onto my bag with all my belongings in my mouth and held onto a fence while the wind whipped around me and carried me up – but the whole time i was unafriad. I knew I would end up safe once the storm passed.

Strange how I dreamt of a tornado, and now my life seems to be going slowly into a tornado mode one week after another.

it’s one of “those” days

jokerface — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 00:36:41 +0000

:/ >_< f**k.

sniff

jokerface — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 03:07:12 +0000

I still dunno why you did what you did. You took a piece of my heart and kept it there with you. So unfair.

I still can’t find anyone I feel complete with.

I would still accept you if you tried hard enough. That’s how stupid and vulnerable I am right now.

Must be that time of the month.

Congratulations. Any thought of you is associated with that time of the month. Good achievement!

Truths

jokerface — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 15:55:06 +0000

1. No matter how hot you are, I have seen hotter, so lose the attitude.2. If you have an attitude, I am already too cool and hot for you to even bother with continuing to find you attractive
3. True love is a very dissatisfying compromise – I’ll live with the dissatisfying compromise of living alone. for now.
4. Being totally, completely honest? I’m not the hottest girl around. But I am beautiful and hotness isn’t very far away.
5. And when I get there, I would have given up totally on those who were simply around to use my presence to make themselves feel better. You’re right. I need to deal with my issues alone. I deal with them by removing you from my life.

Don’t give up

jokerface — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 01:59:15 +0000

I love you. I will be the strength and discipline you need. I will push for you – just follow along.